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Men's Article

The Benefits of Playing Games
By Ken Canfield
National Center for Fathering

What's New . . .

A holiday reminder for fun-loving dads: Playing games, drawing pictures or initiating other fun activities are wonderful ways to enhance and strengthen your fathering skills. Researchers have repeatedly confirmed that when fathers engage in systematic playful activities, it benefits their children in a number of ways: 1) It helps their children develop a problem-solving capacity. 2) It increases their trust in their father. 3) It allows them to express new emotions. 4) It builds their self-confidence.

Perhaps more interesting, these fun-filled activities have an impact on fathers. In a recent study of incarcerated fathers by Landreth and Lobaugh, fathers were trained in play therapy over a ten-week period, then they played with their children in 30-minute sessions. The researchers observed dramatic results, both for the children and the fathers.

The fathers who had been trained to play with their children showed increased empathy and acceptance toward their children, as well as reduced stress levels and fewer problems with their children's behavior. Landreth's model of play therapy was developed to help parents meet their children's emotional and relational needs, and now is being used in a variety of settings to successfully strengthen the father/child bond.

To Think About . . .

In addition to demonstrating a significant change in some standardized measures, these fathers made some eye-opening comments about how the study impacted them on a personal level:

"This was the first time I ever took the time to actually sit down with my daughter and follow her play behavior. It has really made a difference in our relationship and I feel different."

"My son knew that in the time we were together, no one else was more important."

"When I was first in jail, my kids were scared of me, but now they are more relaxed and look forward to seeing me . . . and I think it's because I'm willing to hold them and play with them instead of ignoring them."

"I quit asking my son all the time about his mother and started spending time with him. After the very first visit, the play time became so important to him that I thought, 'I need to continue this.'"

"I didn't have any idea of how to be a father. My father didn't teach me. He was never there. But this class has given me some tools to help my child grow."

Only a handful of dads who read www.fathers.com weekly are incarcerated, but all of us would do well to take note of these insightful comments, as well as this advice from one of the dads: "When you live in the world, remember [that] every moment is a gift; be sure and make time to spend with your children."

In the Trenches . . .

Early next week, you will receive a special message outlining some of our year-end (2003) outcomes. As we at NCF partner with many of you to continue blazing the trail in equipping fathers across America , I urge you to renew your commitment in two areas: 1) being the best dad you can be, and 2) promoting responsible fatherhood in your sphere of influence. Together we are making progress! It never happens as quickly as we may like, but when you're a pioneer, you just never know what's over the next hill.

ACTION POINTS for Committed Fathers:

Secure a copy of one of your all-time favorite board games and teach your child to play it over the holidays.
Gather construction paper, tape, crayons or markers and stickers for an art project. Join your young child in creating a masterpiece, letting her be the master architect.
Start a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle and try to spend at least 30 minutes as a family each night, piecing together sections while talking about your day.
If you haven't already, make plans to take each of your children out for a brief time so they can shop for other family members.
For more thoughts on the benefits of playing with your children, read a previous edition of fathers.com weekly here.

Ken Canfield is the Founder and President of the National Center for Fathering. This article was adapted from Ken Canfield’s book The Heart of a Father . . . and is used by permission, copyright National Center for Fathering.

To subscribe to their free weekly newsletter from www.fathers.com or for more information on father-equipping resources, contact the National Center for fathering at www.fathers.com or 1-800-593-DADS. ©2003 NCF