First Things First
Suggestions For Working With Preschoolers
by Jane Lambert

The following article first appeared in Homeschooling Today - All Rights Reserved

What do we mean when we talk about a "preschooler?" Obviously, the words literally suggest a season in our child's life before he begins schooling. But these few, precious preschool years are so much more than just a season of waiting for school to begin. This is a special season when we have the opportunity to prepare our child for the life-long adventure of learning; when we can equip him with the tools he'll need to tackle learning successfully. We can use these years before formal schooling begins to carefully evaluate our child's preschool preparation and reinforce any weak areas in his foundation. Like a building inspector, we're examining how well we have laid a foundation for our child in family identity and in learning readiness.

A Strong Foundation
Every child needs to develop a strong sense of family identity and intimacy. This vital foundation springs naturally from time spent together. Your family may read aloud together, play or listen to music, visit art galleries and museums, play games, sports or any of a thousand other activities. When families do activities together, children experience a closeness, and a sense of belonging-identity.

Family identity is foundational for a preschooler. Before a child can fully take in the wonders of the infinite world around him, he must be secure in his understanding of who he is and his world. You might tell your child, "We're the Smiths and we..." Now complete the sentence with any of a thousand endings. You might say, "...always sing together in the car," or "...never forget to put away our games when we're finished playing." You might remind them "We always open one present on Christmas eve before we go to bed." Or "We always pray before we serve our plates." This type of family dialogue continually reinforces your child's place in the world. He is a Smith. The Smiths do things a certain way, have certain values and important traditions.

Another wonderful way to build family identity and intimacy is by reading aloud together as a family. When you read good books with your child, you each know the same characters, plots and conclusions. You both will find yourselves referring to such topics with a "Remember when...," or "Isn't this a funny mess, just like in last night's bedtime story when..."

Make a special effort to create your own family legends. By telling and retelling certain family stories, your child will develop a solid foundational identity that frees him to explore the big world beyond home. Sports loving families can reminisce about the greatest hit of the ball game or dad's famous slide into third base. These simple family legends build identity. Everyone in the family is included, and everyone has a part to play. Children feel they belong to a unique, special, identifiable family with clear sets of rules, expectations, traditions, legends and shared memories.

Learning Readiness
Beyond a strong sense of family identity and intimacy, every child needs a foundation in learning readiness before formal schooling can begin effectively. Learning readiness encompasses four vital specific areas: emotional, relational, physical and spiritual. A child who physically lacks the small muscle motor skills to grasp a pencil and write will find schooling very frustrating. Poor relational skills make a day's learning taxing and difficult. Meanwhile, the lack of a solid spiritual foundation undermines everything else we set out to accomplish.

You can help your child grow in emotional maturity by dialoguing about fears, joys, disappointments, jealousies, pride, selfishness, etc. An enjoyable, natural way to generate these important dialogues is through books. Many times a situation in a child's story book will provide the gateway into one of those helpful conversations. "How do you think the character felt?" you might ask. "How would you feel if that happened to you?" You might discuss these important questions and then ask, "Is there some other way the character could have handled the situation with his friend?"

Sometimes, a specific event in your child's life or the life of someone around him will present a rich opportunity for discussion. Pointing out truly excellent behavior and commenting on how much you appreciate it can spark your child's desire to imitate. You can also choose to be transparent about a difficulty in your own life and model an emotionally healthy response for your child. For instance, if you are angry you might say, "Mother is feeling very angry right now. I think I need to go sit down in the rocker and try to calm down, so I can decide what to do about my problem." And then do it! Without any direct instruction, your child is getting ready for formal schooling by observing how to handle difficult situations. It is often said that some of life's most important lessons are caught, not taught. Let your child catch you often in the act of healthy emotional responses.

None of us enjoys being lectured about our behavior, although speaking honestly and directly to your child about his behavior is sometimes necessary. Most children actually enjoy trying to emulate the good behavior of a story character, or trying to avoid the poor behavior of a bad story character. So, reading excellent children's story books is a vehicle to help your child toward emotional maturity. If you choose story books that display the truths of life, your child will see consequences for actions and rewards for proper behavior acted out before him right on the pages of his books.

You can also help by constantly watching for all that is good and excellent. Be on the lookout for anything worthy of praise in your child and others around him and complementing these behaviors. Have fun letting your child know that you value him, and many times a day let him know when he is pleasing you.

Emotional Maturity
Emotional maturity also encompasses learning self-control. Most of us spend a lifetime working on self-control, but every child needs a good beginning at this vital skill. Waiting patiently for something he wants, being willing to sacrifice something for the good of someone else, having a soft, respectful answer to members of his family, knowing proper ways to vent volatile emotions, not complaining, gladly sharing, etc., are all goals for this age.

The family is the ideal proving grounds for test-flying newly developed relational skills and cultivating emotional maturity. As parents, we can use these preschool years to help our children discover the value of patience and the reward of generosity and kindness. This teaching is easier to accomplish now in the context of family relationships, fun and games, than in the midst of challenging academics later.

Getting along with friends, extended family and strangers are in part lessons caught by your child as he sees you modeling hospitable and gracious behavior. This is also a good time to review table manners, introductions, greetings and goodbyes, pleases and thank-yous, etc.

As he practices these manners, your child will grow in his ability to play happily with others. He will relate to younger children with helpfulness and compassion as well as enjoy being with older people while treating them with respect. He will also begin learning to treat all people with courtesy, even those not exactly like him (whether because of handicap or cultural difference, etc.).

This is the time to encourage your child to try out many of his own ideas or projects. Let him do this even if you think (or know) the idea won't work. When something he has tried does not work, he will try another way and learn for himself from his failures. Encourage and praise him for his efforts. He will develop rapidly in his thinking skills, methods of problem solving and in experimenting on his own.

Physical Fitness
Is your child growing strong and is he physically fit? These precious preschool years should have daytimes filled with active play that help build a strong physical foundation. Plenty of fresh air, outdoor play and creative indoor pursuits have always been fun for preschool-aged children. Many parents do not realize these activities are such important preparations for reading and writing. Activities like bouncing the ball, riding a scooter, drawing a picture on the chalkboard, rolling and patting clay figures are some forms of childhood play directly resulting in cultivating strong bodies. Large and small motor skills are improving. Physical activity increases your child's spatial awareness, hand-eye coordination and dozens of other important skills that will make your child's academic life easier in the years to come. As your child does a wide variety of activities, he will be preparing himself to tackle the challenges of holding a pencil and learning to read. In an era when many families are spending more time in front of a television or computer, physical fitness sometimes seems less important.

So, use this time to encourage your child to play outside and help him with indoor activities that provide lots of large and small motor exercise. Your child's strong, healthy body will benefit him in every area of academic pursuit.

Spiritual Fitness
Now is also the time to continue presenting simple Bible lessons that show your child who God is and what He has done for His people throughout history. These little lessons will build your child's faith, creating a spiritual fitness. When your child is facing temptation, fear, disappointment, triumph or injustice, he will remember God's promises and His help in the past. This spiritual foundation is essential in preparing children for learning.

Look for opportunities to link everyday life events to simple Biblical truths. You might say, "This is just like the time in the Bible when David was a young boy. He was facing a very large problem too. The problem David was facing was named Goliath. Run upstairs by mother's bed and bring down my Bible. Let's read the story and see what happened when David had a big, big problem."

Look for opportunities to tie children's books to spiritual teaching as well. It's so easy to finish a story and say, "That story reminds me of another story. Did you know the Bible has a lot to say about how to treat our neighbors? Sit down here beside me on the couch and let's read what Jesus said about how we should treat one another."

There are many other ways to help build a strong spiritual foundation in your preschooler as well. Ella K. Lindvall's "Read Aloud Bible Stories" provide a wonderful vehicle for teaching. You might also want to look at Kenneth N. Taylor's "The Bible in Pictures for Little Eyes." Don't for get the wonderful variety of felt-board Bible characters for storytelling and drama. There are wonderful scripture memory songs available from "Wee Sing Songs" and others. By mixing personal sharing at teachable moments with a few of the wonderful spiritual teaching resources available, you can use these precious preschool years to solidly undergird your child and prepare him for the challenges of schooling.

You have now evaluated your child's progress in family identity and learning readiness. You have worked in the areas of family intimacy, physical fitness, emotional maturity, relational skills and spiritual growth. You've read books, played sports, encouraged your child's imaginative play and his acting on his own ideas. You've sparked his curiosity about the world around him and filled him with a desire to learn more. What are the results of your time and effort?

All of your work, your preparation, will have filled your preschooler with self confidence. He will feel ready for whatever lies ahead. His physical fitness will carry him through lesson times, his hands and arms will be dexterous and strong to hold a pencil, his eyes and mind ready and alert to begin reading. You will have helped him feel connected and safe within his family, and he will have a growing faith for times of triumph and discouragement.

The goal is simple. You want to prepare your child for the years ahead in the same way Jesus was prepared—by helping him to grow in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man. These preschool years, these years before formal academics begin are precious. You can make the most of them! Then your child will be ready for the adventure of lifetime learning.